High-rise living

J.: The kitties sure do like their kitty condo. They are so cute!

They love to run up and down it, and chase each other around. Sometimes, they have little make-believe fights over who gets to be on top. Dino likes to act especially fierce, and sometimes he displaces Tito when he is sitting on the perch up top.

Reminds me of another couple, hehehe...

I guess they're just like people, that way. Except cuter! And fuzzier!

"Every time I walk down the street, honey!"

Dino: I like it My Way.

And I'm not afraid to say it.

It's as simple as that.

I like to eat first.

I like to sleep in the round bed the "humans" threw on the floor of the living room. (It's only big enough for one of us, so it may as well be me sleeping there comfortably.)

And I think I've told you how I like my water to taste.

That's why I had to put a stop to the Simple One's constant attempts to "rule the roost".

For a long time, he would head up to the top of the IKEA wardrobe in the bedroom, sometimes when I would get a touch of the old Ultra-Violence. Other times, he would go up there just because he was feeling contrary or superior or entitled.

Then, when they brought home the cat tree (I refuse to use the condescending language they use to describe it-it's beneath me), he would always head right up there whenever I stepped into the living room. This didn't bother me too much at first. After all, the cat tree and I got plenty of "me" time even with him up there whenever we were both in the room.

But after a while, it started to irritate me, how he would always assume it was OK for him to sit up there like some superior being, or a bird-the kind you hunt and kill.

More importantly, it put a stop to the Ultra-Violence. I mean, here we are, locked up in This Man's Prison, and a droogie's got needs, you feel? How can I get some satisfaction if he's always up there when I need him?

So I figured, if he's gonna be all coy, then I'd bring the fun to him. He didn't like that so much, but so what? It's not about him.

Nowadays, he doesn't spend too much time in the clouds. And that's just how I like it. More room for me, and more pouncing opportunities when the old Ultra-Violence hits. It's a win-win!

That reminds me of this joke I heard the Warden tell the O.W.R.M.:

Q: Do you know when the Boise Gay Pride Parade is?
A: Every time I walk down the street, honey!

Those two are such queers! But I know what they mean.

Some of us were just born special.

Patience Is A Virtue

Tito: Sigh. I remember the Good Old Days, when I could sit peacefully on top of the suitcase stored above the plastic-particleboard IKEA armoire, or at the very tippy top of the cat tree.

Sadly, those days are over.

The only time the Other does not chase me off of my places of respite is when he's not in the room.

This is good, in a sense, since as the two perches are in different rooms, he can't chase me off of both of them at once.

But it also means that he can be as capricious as he pleases, and any time he walks in the room, he feels entitled to disrupt my peaceful meditations and shoo me away.

Sometimes the Human intervenes, but more often than not, he gets scolded by the Tall One for meddling in "kitty affairs". "Let them work it out!" the Tall One will say, and the Human will acquiesce.

Sigh. This too shall pass. Ommmmmmmmmmmm...

feeding the cute l'il buggers

J.: The cats ran out of food today, so I refilled their feeders with the spendy stuff we get from that "green" pet place. Hope they like it!

Oh yeah, I refilled their water dispenser, too.

All in all, a productive day.

Be Thankful For What You've Got

Tito: Ooh boy, we got more food today! yAy! I couldn't wait to see the Human when he got home from work, for the usual reasons, sure, but also, gee, wasn't I hungry! He was so nice-when he got home from work, after taking a nap and working on his computer for a while, he went and filled our empty feeders back up. yAy!

I rushed right over to mine, but the Other was there, eating out of both feeders. Sad! "No problem," I said, not wanting to provoke him. I noticed that the Human had also refilled our water dispenser, so I said carefully, "I'll just rehydrate-you take your time."

That did it. He started in with his incessant, angry chatter and immediately dipped his paw in the (what used to be fresh) water. I said, "Great! Thanks for sharing!" and went over to one of the food dispensers, hoping he would be distracted enough to let me enjoy a quick meal in peace. Sure enough, the Other couldn't get enough of that paw-dippin' action. He sat there for what seemed like hours, dipping one paw, and then the other. It's the only time he ever really seems at peace. Sad!

I tried it out later and the water now tastes like him. Sad!

The food sure did taste good, though. I know it's technically "hippy food" that they get for us, but it's delicious and it keeps my hairball demons at bay. Also, I think it costs them a lot of money, because I hear them arguing about it sometimes.

Lord, knows, I'm not much of a hunter, so I try to be appreciative and show them some love anytime they bring home a new bag or fill up our dishes. That always seems to cheer them up, especially when there's just one of them, like it is now. (I wonder where the Tall One has gotten to...we haven't seen him in weeks!)

Thanks, guys!

It Tastes Like I Do!

Dino: The goddamn Warden left us with barely any goddamn food today! He ran off to work in a semi-haze, like he does every morning, late, and incapable of taking care of anything but his goddamn self. Goddamn it!

When he FINALLY got home, he self-indulgently went "straight" to bed (there's nothing straight about either of 'em, if you know what I mean). What about your fucking cats, you asshole?!?!

What eventually woke him up, 2 hours later, was a call from what sounded like the O.W.R.M. I'm not sure what to make of that. I guess if they're still in contact, there's a chance that the O.W.R.M. will come back some day and liberate me from this hellhole.

Anyway, by the time he finished fucking chatting on the phone, blogging and chatting on the fucking phone some more (making dinner plans to eat FISH! when we eat this goddamn hippy pellet shit?!?! wtffffffffffff), it was FINALLY time to refill the food dispensers.

Of course, the Simple One, who had been cuddling him this whole time in bed (except for when I had a touch of the old Ultra-Violence, ehehehe), started purring and looking all pleased, like It's The Simple Things In Life, Nothing Like A Good Meal On An Empty Stomach, and any other fucking bullshit platitude a "cat" with a "mind" like his can "come up with".

So anyway, when the fucking "human" went to go get the bag of food from the closet, there was only enough to fill up one feeder! Goddamn it!

I shooed the Simple One away so I could eat in fucking peace and quiet. He looked nervous (perhaps the little touch of Ultra-Violence was sticking with him? hard to say what goes on in that little pea-brain of his...) so I motioned toward the water, and said, "You're free to have some water while Daddy eats his fill." He sidled over there, the whole time keeping one eye on me and the other one the full(ish) food dispenser.

That got me thinking about being kind of thirsty-after all, I had just gorged myself on fucking dry hippy pellets (grrrr!) and I was feeling a bit parched. So I decided to help myself to the fresh water bowl.

I shooed the Simple One away, and had a few laps of clean, fresh water, when I realized, hey, you know what this water is missing? A little Eau de Me! I mean, fresh water is great, but until I taste my own paws in there, it doesn't really taste like home, you feel me? 

So I spent a good 10 or 15 minutes getting the water flavored with my paws. I caught a glance at the Simple One, he looked thoroughly disgusted with me, but hey, I'm not just doing this for myself. 

He'll thank me one day.

The Warden on the other hand, well...let's just say, he won't see Death coming, it will have a handsome, feline shape when his time comes.

Goddamn "humans!"

A Hot Mess

[Editor's note: Future posts will be published by individual authors. J. is publishing this post because there are outstanding domain management issues that are preventing Tito and Dino from setting up their own Author accounts at this time. So in the near future, look for three different posts a day, each in its own font, and each published by a different author.]

J.: Today was pretty quiet. D. is still away, so I spent the day with the cats. No one was cuddling me when I got up at noon, but there was a lot of meowing so I went to investigate. Dino and Tito were sitting next to the empty feeders, looking forlorn and/or pissed, so I shook them and a little more food fell out. This seemed to quiet the meowing for the moment.

Later, when we were all chilling in the living room, Tito was sitting up by himself, and started to growl when Dino came over. Turns out, all Dino wanted to do was to give him little kitty kisses behind the ears and on the neck. Tito didn't mind that so much, so the growling eventually stopped.

Then I took a nap. No one cuddled me during my nap, which was mildly disappointing, but then, given that I wasn't really in a frame of mind to care, it didn't bother me that much, when I really thought about it.

When I got up, I went back online and made plans to go to dinner with A. We had Thai. He decided to start up a blog about snacks.

When I got back, the cats had done a lot of damage to the little bit of food that I had scrounged out of the bottom of the feeders for them. So I shook the feeders some more. That dislodged a little more food, enough to tide them over for the rest of the night, I think. I checked the water, too. It looked like there was at least another day left in the reservoir, so I left it.

By the time I finally went to bed it was around 11:45. Tito came over to cuddle me, but Dino was nowhere to be found. Tito cuddled me for a good 20 or 25 minutes, but just as I was drifting off to sleep, he got up and left. So I woke up and decided this was a good opportunity to write about the day.


Tito: Nothing much to report today. The Human didn't get up until after I had gone back to bed a couple of times. I tried to cuddle him in the mid-morning but he just snored louder.

We almost ran out of food. Sad! Human to the rescue, as always. He managed to find some way in the back of the feeder, which somehow, I always miss. That should last at least another 6 hours! yAy!

Oh yeah, the Other came over with that menacing look in his eyes when I was trying to watch the cabinet for signs of movement. I started to vocalize my displeasure, but all he did was clean me a little. The nerve! I wasn't even dirty, but it felt good, he was getting the behind-the-ear spot I can never reach, so I decided to let him, even though I felt like he was violating my personal boundaries (again). Sad! You just never know with that guy, he's got "tendencies", if you know what I mean.

The Human took a nap and snored loudly, so he must have been pretty happy. He's been kind of lonely ever since the other Human left. Sad!

He went out (with that "I-heart-PETA-but-i-h8-felines-in-person" guy who is always so mean to us), and when he came back, he smelled like something vaguely Asian. He stayed up for a while, then he went to bed, so I cuddled him and snored until he started snoring. I thought it would be safe to get up now that he was tucked in and happy, but when I got up, he got up too. Sad!

I ended the day by watching the cabinet, just to make sure nothing was moving. It wasn't. Sad!


Dino: Today was crappy, just like every other day in this man's prison. As usual, I verbalized my utter contempt for the situation, but all I got out of the Warden was "Ooh, are you happy? That's a good boy!" and other condescending crap, so finally I stepped it up a notch, started really howling, and trotted over to the EMPTY FEEDER. Something in the human's "brain" seemed to click, and he said, "Oh. Well."

But did he do the right, the "humane" thing to do? (Isn't that what "humans" are supposed to do? Aren't the good ones supposed to be "humane"?) No. He just picked up the feeders and shook them, which produced enough food to last about another 20 minutes. Then he looked very self-satisfied, made himself some of that disgusting gruel in the microwave, and went to lay down.

Later, I saw the Simple One, looking as unkempt as ever. He was just sitting there, staring at the cabinet, waiting for it to move or something exciting like that. Not that I care, but that kid has no sense and no pride. He looked a hot mess, so I went over to try to clean up a little. He's got a nerve on him-he started to growl at me. So I says, "Shut up, stupid, I'm here to take out the trash." He looked a little skittish but he settled down after he realized how much better he was going to look when I got done with him. The Warden started cooing, I think he thought we were being "kitty bffs" or whatever crap goes through his "brain". It was humiliating, but I took one for the team and finished cleaning up that filthy excuse for a cat.

Of course, later, when I needed some prison love, the Simple One wouldn't give it up for Daddy. It's not like he's going to get preggers or something, the Warden and the One Who Raised Me took care of that for both of us.

Needless to say, I was in no mood to spend time with the "human" after a day like today. (The O.W.R.M. has left again, so I'm totally alone in this horrible place.) When he went to bed, I made sure to walk up to him and MAKE SOME NOISE for a few minutes, just out of arm's reach. Of course, the Simple One was sitting there purring and cuddling him (how can he stand to be so close to him? is what I don't get-the guy never even licks himself, he's so filthy!), so he probably didn't even notice me trying to keep him up.